Post from Ferret List on WWIVnet (1997)
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How Ferrets Kill Cows
Background: One of the reasons Ferrets were outlawed in CA is that they
supposedly attack cattle.
There are no "wild" ferrets, of course....
How Ferrets are Dangerous to Cows
Various tactics ferrets use against cows:
(1) HOP UNTIL DIZZY
The wild Ferrets all stand around the cow and hop around it in the
Ferret victory dance. The cow gets dizzy, falls down, and is eaten.
(2) IF YOU CAN'T LICK 'EM, JOIN 'EM
The pack of nasty ferrets lick the cow until it looses its mind and
falls to the ground, and is eaten.
(3) SOCKS HYPOTHESIS
The ferret pack steals all the cow's socks, the cow gets cold feet,
gets sick, and is eaten.
(4) EMPIRE STRIKES BACK HYPOTHESIS
Two Ferrets grab a long piece of twine and run around the cow's feet,
hog tying it. The cow falls to the ground and is eaten.
(5) THE RUG HYPOTHESIS
The evil Ferret group waits until the cow steps on a rug, then all
the Ferrets grab the rug and pull it out from under the cow. Thus
overcome, the cow is eaten.
(6) THE DRINK HYPOTHESIS
The Ferrets line areas where the cows walk with full cups of assorted
beverages. As the cows walk by, the Ferrets spill all the beverages,
the cow slips, and is eaten.
(7) HYPNOSIS
The Ferret Clan simply gives the Ferret Stare to the cow in question.
The cow lays down, mesmerized by the stare, and is eaten.
(8) SOCK HYPOTHESIS II
The ferrets nip at the toes of the cows until they can no longer take
the abuse, the cow passes out, and the Ferrets eat it.
(9) ROLLING TOY HYPOTHESIS
The Ferrets roll their favorite toys under the cow, when the cow walks,
it slips and is eaten.
(10) BECAUSE IT'S THERE
The ferret band climb onto the cow all at once. Thus weighted down the
cow falls over, and is eaten.
[Moderator's note: Hey, I remember that one! In the "where credit is due"
department, this was first posted in the FML in 1994 by D.E. of Brea, CA
in FML issue 1050. BIG]
[Posted in FML issue 3368]
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