Remember my in mid-February about our need for hammocks, offering a barter
of treats in exchange ?  We've got some oldsters here, and we really needed
some big, deep, soft hammies for these fragile golden years folks.
 
I was completely unprepared for the outpouring of support and kindness you
guys sent our way.  So very many of you emailed , called, wrote, sewed,
and just plain CARED .  The address labels on all the packages are smudged
because I cried each time I opened one.  What an unbelievable kindness!
The kids we have now, and those we'll see in the future - there are
always going to be those who bear the brunt of Bad Human Disease- really
appreciate having a warm, clean cozy nest.  For many this may be the first
time they've seen a hammock, or been given a place to sleep other than a
wire floor or fetid cedar shavings.  What a gift you guys have given - a
safe, soft, and comforting place to relax .  An actual restful sleep.
Finally, some peace.  That really changes the world for a mistreated
ferret.  It's both a solace from neglect, and a promise of things to come
in a real, forever home.
 
Reading tonight's FML, I saw Kerry and Ada's posting about me.  I'm very ,
very glad they wrote .  I needed a good swift kick in the posterior ,
knee or not (explanation follows) , to get on track with PAYING YOU FOLKS
BACK !!!!!  I proposed a deal, and you guys sent hammocks, emails, love
and support, and I'm damn sure keeping my end of the bargain.  Please,
please accept my apologies for my tardiness.
 
Here's the email I sent Kerry and Ada - applies to everyone who so
graciously helped us .  This is not meant as a form-letter style thank
you .  Each of you are incredible, and cherished in different ways.  I'm
sending thank you's , apologies, and good will to each of you with your
treats.  ( Okay, and lots of free-form groveling and virtual sackcloth
and ashes.)
 
Dear Kerry and Ada,
First off, I'd like to thank you both so very much for being so generous in
offering your help to a complete stranger, whom, I'm sure, you've decided
is a complete schmuck .  Make that a belly-crawling-slime-sucking-schumck.
Maybe a belly-crawling-slime-sucking-schumck with excrecably horrible
manners that would make my very Southern mother disown me.
 
Rightly so .  I wouldn't blame y'all a bit . : )
 
The wee kids adore their hammocks , and send loads of weasel kisses !
The hammocks are being put to great use and will comfort loads of shelter
ferrets over time.  Your kindness translates into a warm, safe spot for
ferrets waiting for a Real Forever Home.  Snuggly , cozy hammocks make
the stay here less stressful for the fuzzies.  THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!
 
Here's the idiotic and rather embarrassing explanation as to why you are
currently treat-less while I am hammock-ed.  I make desserts for a local
bar and grill.  The other day, I stopped by to see the owner , confirm
orders, etc.  It was lightly drizzling, my hands were full of invoices,
books, cell phone, three socks, a jar of Asian cabbage pickle, a
slightly damp marmoset, a bumper from a '63 Pinto, (okay - exaggerating),
and other sundry bits of weighty, unwieldy stuff .  Staggering under this
slippery and heavy load, I went charging up the very steep and VERY slick
stairs , trying to avoid getting thoroughly soaked.
 
Whoa.  Big bad burly decision on my part, par excellence.
 
Remember the old Batman TV show where Batman would sock some bad guy and
THWACK !  THUD !  CRACK !  and -my fave- KAPOW !  would appear on the
screen ?  I hit a step, feet went right out from under me, hit the edge
of the stair with my full weight on my left knee.( ...  The crowd goes
wild ...... a ten from the Russian judge !  Kym wins the gold in Idiotic
Freak Accidents, floor exercise portion only.)  I experienced the full
range of Batman-esque feelings while marveling at the new and hideously
elastic shape of The Object Formerly Know As My Knee.
 
In complete, cool control of the situation, I dispassionately attempted to:
a) find my kneecap, b) take on blind faith that it is still somehow
connected to a joint, ANY joint, and c) hoist the little bone hockey puck
back up to its normal position.
 
Seemed like the thing to do - hell, I've watched Trauma: Life in the E.R.
on TLC plenty.  Damn the torpedoes - ramming speed !  Assemble origami-like
shards of important crunchy knee stuff !  Piece o' cake !
 
Wrong.  Wrongwrongwrong.
 
Don't try this at home.  In fact don't try this anywhere.  Suffice it to
say my attempt was followed by much swearing, screaming, and ultimately,
puking.  In public.  In the rain.  I proceeded to shred the remaining
tatters of my dignity by bawling like a disgruntled Survivor reject .
Drip, drip, drip, bawl, drip, bawl, snuffle.  Made it to the E.R. and
found out I blew out a few ligaments and managed to fracture the actual
patella.  Leave it to me to break what may be considered the hardest bone
in the body.  So, crutches for five weeks- the Darwinian marker of the
terminally clumsy.
 
However, didn't hurt my hands in the fall , so I have absolutely NO excuse
for being such a slacker.  We have a deal, and I'm going to make good on
it.  Thank you very much for giving me a kind kick in the butt !  (Just
not the knee, please.)
 
Feel free to call me at (502) 459-9950 if you'd like to talk, kill me, etc.
 
On a positive and serious note, I do apologize for the rudeness of my
actions.  I can imagine that you felt angry, and probably betrayed.
Please accept my deepest apologies .  It was never my intention to go
this long without fulfilling my part of the bargain.
 
Treats coming up, pronto !
 
All the best,
 
Kym Zorn Long
Wayward Weasel
1800 Shady Lane
Louisville, KY 40205
(502) 459-9950
 
[Moderator's note: Kym has been trying to post this for a couple of days.
She finally telephoned me about it and I asked her to forward it to an
alternate address.  Turns out her ISP (soon to be ex-ISP, I believe) was
blocking e-mail to here since they thought we were spammers (yes, I know,
that sounds backwards to me too).  I tried to e-mail them about it, but
they blocked that too and it was returned to me.  Luckily she is the only
bluegrass.net subscriber.  And she got spam from everyplace BUT
cunyvm.cuny.edu.  Grrrrrr.... BIG]
[Posted in FML issue 3348]