My sincere condolences to all who've lost their fur children, and good
thoughts to those with ill babies.
 
Well, it happened.  All the panty hose in my house have disappeared and
I've noticed in the paper sightings of things 'flying'.  One neighborhood
claims it's crow, but I know the truth-I happened to be in the way on
Saturday.  My charming, mild mannered, delightful Crew of Merry Mayhem have
perfected their panty-catapults!  I don't know how they did it, but they
hurled a cat through the upper window Saturday about 11:00am, striking me
between the shoulder blades and putting me full length onto the sidewalk!
Wasn't one of the cats that lives with us, though, and it was gone like a
shot.  Kat, Georgia, anybody out there missing their cat?  I think it's
headed North-Northwest at this moment, possibly breaking the sound barrier.
While I realize Kat and Georgia are into airborne 'cat-swapping' you really
need to put whistles on them for unsuspecting pedestrians!  I've noticed
that all the cats in my house are gaining a tendency to stay downstairs and
turn the TV on when the ferrets are out-yesterday morning Larry heard the
TV, went downstairs at 1am and there were the cats.  I think he said the
show was "How to be a countercatterrist against ferretterrists" and there
was this odd shaped machine with a crank...........
 
Christopher, I'd like to personally thank you for causing me to come close
to having the Heimlich maneuver performed on me!  I'm sitting here, reading
my FML from today, eating my lunch and I read about your scruffing your
Chase and administering the Laxitone.  Not only did I get food caught in
my throat, I almost decorated the computer screen with lovely crumbs!
Delightful-humph!!!!!  By the way-ferrets, I truly believe, have a caffeine
gland in them!  That's why so many are wired for sound most of the time.
 
Wolfy, Wolfy, Wolfy!!!!!  Throwing dirty Depends around!  Don't you have
a litter (no, not pearls) law in your state????  How do you get by with
these, um, unfresh articles sailing out of the little wagon, hmmmmmm????
Are we trying to tell law enforcement they're landing pads for cats?  And
after said statement, has the breathalyzer test been issued to you, or do
you have a lovely white coat that hugs you a lot?  Carpet Shark Scott and
the Deadly Pongo must really be working overtime there keeping you free
from harm!  I suppose you're going to tell us you see the flying cats
coming and are racing around trying to catch them?  I can see you, delicate
flower, sweetly saying "Oh you dirty little ************ I missed again".
Oh, wait, you'd never say anything like that, would you??????  I can hear
you, "Oh, sweetling, land here, no not on my head, please, get your paws
and claws out of my eyes, WILL YOU KINDLY GET YER ARSE OFF ME?" (We know
you too well)
 
Georgia-now you know why never to send someone else to get your dinner!
Were the octopi live or dead?  C'mon, girl-I'll bet your Muffett wanted a
pet, other than you.  And such a delicacy-don't you buy your kids the
'canned calamari'?  Get Kouri out there to cook for them, as soon as you
can get him away from the trebuchet!  And, ahem, everybody-she's getting
a coat rack for them now.  Did you know they have to hang up their own
coats, caps, mittens and boot??  And not even at ferret height!  She has
these kids on such a workout program-Richard Simmons needs to hear this.
Painting, woodworking, fishing, now logging I think, for Kouri's
woodworking, then she makes them climb up and down to hang their clothes
and get them!  This is all inbetween the catapulting and Viking raids
they do.
 
Being a few days behind, what the heck is going on with spiders here?  UK
Ferrets are being seen gathering spiders?  Is this some sort of network
going on to have spiders make webs, spray paint them and sell them?
Hmmmm, insect control on spiders now?  And then I see Sukie feeding hers
GRASSHOPPERS?????  Are you doing the chocolate covered ones, roasted and
toasted?  Hey, in April Purdue has "The Bug Bowl" where there's cricket
spitting, cooked meal worms, um, you name it.  How 'bout bringing those
'hopper eating kids here and showing them off???
 
As for all of us getting tattooed at a future symposium, first we have to
get me on and off an airplane to get there.  By that time I'll have enough
tranquilizers in me you can tattoo my arm (and no where else!)
 
Well, better close-NO DON'T FIRE THAT CAT DOWN THAT STAIRWELL!!!!!!!
CALVIN, GET OUT OF THAT UNIFORM, MOOKIE, QUIT RIDING DOMINO AROUND AND PUT
THAT LANCE DOWN!  Sheesh, Knights and GI Joes upstairs-gotta go-they're
loading A.T. into the pantypult!
 
Rebecca and the Crew of Merry Mayhem
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste
good with ketchup"
[Posted in FML issue 3320]