Dearest Sonny,
 
Thank you for gracing my life.
 
You came to me with your sister, Sadie, from Chris & Tara at the
Pennsylvania Ferret Rescue Association.  Thin and despairing you looked
at me with eyes that broke my heart.  I didn't know if you would live the
night let alone extend your 6 1/2 years.
 
I'm so happy that you decided to stay for awhile and blossom into sweet,
trusting ferret that loved to be held on my lap every night while I was at
the computer.  What a change from what you were like when you first came
when all you wanted was to get down and explore until you were exhausted
and then curl up in a sleep sack until it was time for you to go back in
your cage so that some of your other brothers and sisters could play.
 
You didn't like it outside when I put on a harness and leash and took you
outside to play in the grass.  Remember that elderly couple from Russia
who spoke no English but came across the street and wanted to meet you and
Sadie and how the woman kept stroking you with obvious delight?  What a
nice time you gave her.
 
Your dignity amazed me.  When I tried to switch you to healthy food you
taught everyone that Meow Mix was number one on the gourmet list.  You did
gradually learn to eat a healthy diet (got any tips for me?) and when the
Bob Church gravy came out you would wake out of a dead sleep to get your
share.
 
Last month I found a mass on your left side.  I thought it was your spleen,
so I scheduled a vet appointment with Tom...and took all your brothers and
sisters along for company...and physicals and vaccines.
 
I handed you to this man I trust so much and it broke my heart when he told
me that no, it wasn't your spleen, it was your kidney.  As we talked, Tom
assured me that whatever I decided to do he would support me.  He knew how
old you were.  Because you seemed so strong he suggested an exploratory,
which I agreed to, hoping it would be something really simple and would
give us more time together.  I scheduled you for yesterday and took you
home to coddle and love you.
 
And I must say we had a wonderful time.  We spent time at the computer,
played on the floor, and watched television together.  You shared Eponine's
duck soup and ate lots of Bob Church gravy and even had some craisins.
When Auntie Barb came over so we could stuff envelopes for a ferret club
meeting notice we left you out to play and revelled at your ghostly
apparition appearing out of nowhere only to toddle off again.
 
Yesterday we went to the office again and everyone had to meet you and make
a fuss over you.  You really showed them how charming you were and the
funny positions you slept in.  On the way over to the clinic I set you down
in the grass where you sniffed briefly and then looked at me as if to say,
"Enough of this, it's cold down here!"  I picked you up and carried you
the in my arms, showing you the flowers that were still blooming and the
colorful leaves still on the trees.  What a beautiful time we had together!
 
I kissed you goodby and reminded you about our talk about the Rainbow
Bridge and all the friends you would make there while you waited for me.
 
The afternoon without you was so long, I even called as I was leaving the
office.  They told me they were just starting your surgery then.  That I
should just go home and they would call me there.  When I got home there
were three messages from various people at the clinic.  Before I even took
Tess out I dialed the number they left me and the tech who answered went
to get Tom.
 
Tom was so sweet when he told me what he'd found.  Not only was your kidney
grossly taken over w/ a tumor, the tumor had matastised and snaked its
way around all your organs.  It was virulent and deadly, and he couldn't
understand how you were still walking around symptom free.  It was
everywhere.  He said he would take it out, but he felt sure that there
would be some left behind, and it would soon take over what was left of
you.  He said that if he did take it out that the total mass would be
that of a tennis ball... What did I want him to do?
 
I told him about our wonderful weekend together and said that rather than
put you through the stress of the surgery and watch you die painful I
wanted to remember you how you were those last few days.  Playing, loving,
curious.
 
Tom said that was nice.  I asked him to give you a kiss before they ended
your life and he said "I sure will".  We then arranged for me to pick up
your cherished form so that I can hold a ceremony of love and rememberance
for all the times we shared.
 
I love you little boy, and will forever.  Thank you for the memories.
 
Your loving human mom,
 
Pat
[Posted in FML issue 3238]