Hi all, Bandit here, head ferret at 24K ferret rescue and shelter.
 
Well, after giving it much thought about human tattoos, I decided to do
some research on what farm my human is from.
 
Research is as follows:
there is a small island in the Spacific Ocean next to Dr. Morrow's Island,
and close to Dr. Evil's Island, I'm sure this is just a coincidence, yeah
right.  And Cheerios grow on trees.  Well, they breed certain humans there,
humans for ferrets mostly.  The name of the human farm is Funny Farm, Inc.
They breed their humans with high patience level, extra humor, 50% ferret
brain, high tolerance to poop, and extremely kind and compassionate.  They
are also taught to weasel war dance, and dook, although they won't act like
they really know how to do these things.  They also get a course on Ferret
Math 101, but they don't get much education on making money so they are
always struggling to make ends meet.  Each human is tattooed differently,
this makes tracking the humans easier on F.F.  Inc.  If one of the humans
mistreats or abuses a ferret, F.F.  inc.  makes their lives miserable, and
they will have a price to pay.
 
We are still learning more about this operation, we have just begun to
scratch the surface of this human mill.  we got lucky here, Joey "big ears"
Britta, our organized crime ferret called in some favors from his Soprano
family back east.  They got the skinny, what ever that means, on the Funny
Farm.  I told him to get the fat but he doesn't listen to my old butt, I
get no respect from him, I guess cause he's got connections.  Joey also
steals our stuff and holds them for "taxes", so we have to give him our
raisins and treats to get back our toys.  I better shut up or I'll be
wearing cement booties.
 
so all you ferrets out there, watch your humans for any signs of being a
Funny Farm human, report anything to us through the FLO on the FML.  The
more we know the more power we will have over them.  Complete control would
be great for us, and then we can control the Cal F & G, Joey can make them
an offer they can't refuse.
 
BTW, there are rumors that some humans escape the island with no tattoos,
but they have birthmarks, so don't be fooled.
 
and if your human denies coming from there, and tells you they fell asleep
on the Sunday funny comics, don't believe them, its a cover up for F.F. inc.
 
well off to see if Joey got any new info, and maybe get my polar fleece
ball back, he wants 4 raisins for it, but maybe I can bargain with him.
 
Be careful looking for the tattoos, cause they will know your looking for
them, the best time is when they get out of the shower, act like you just
want to lick their wet toes, works every time.
 
Take care and be safe,
Bandit, head ferret
24 Carat Ferret Rescue And Shelter
Ouch, OK, with the help of Joey "big ears" Britta.............
[Posted in FML issue 3309]