Hiya all...
 
I'm looking for an expensive ferret.
 
I would like one that costs at LEAST 8,000 dollars.
 
This wonder animal must have the most unusual markings every seen (I prefer
plaid or maybe a checkerboard variety)
 
This amazing creature must be able to poop on command and if possible only
poop certain sized poops if need be.  He/she must be able strategically
place such poops inside the litter box so that they line up like vienna
sausages.  At best, he/she must be able to use the toilet.  (and he/she
better put that toilet seat down..hate falling in all the time..AND they
better put the paper BACK on the roll)
 
This stunning fuzzy of modern times must be able find his own food and
water when need be and at times be able to feed me since being a bachelor,
I sometimes forget to feed myself.
 
This animal must be able to clean up after themselves and put back their
toys when they are done (and I don't mean sticking a ton load of stuff
under the bed, like stuffed animals, balls, food, socks, human wallets,
car keys, tennis shoes, other ferrets etc.)  AND if possible clean up
after me since I'm genetically unable to do it myself...(it's a medical
condition... you can look it up!!)
 
This awesome Mustalid.  must have superior scent glands.  When on command,
they must be able spray a beautiful fragrance, such as Drakkor Noir, or
Calvin something or that smell that is in those Clairol Herbal Shampoo
commercials (YOU KNOW THE ADS!!!!)
 
This animal must have the ability to clean his own cage, washing the
hammocks along with my undergarments and not have the irresistible urge to
drag socks away for some sort of strange ferret ritual that we humans have
yet figured out.
 
what...wait..I've just been informed that said animal does not EXIST....
(not even in a wife.......I've checked!)
 
oh well I'll have to stick to my cheap, smelly, poop-where-they-want-,
feed-when-they-need, clean-when-ya-gotta,  sweet lovable cuties.
 
Sorry about the above post, I just wanted to lighten up the usual heaviness
of the FML lately...
 
Any flames can be directed to me but I would hope that they would be
accompanied by some sort of dish...preferably a shish kabob since I have
yet to figure out what that stove thing does....(it's genetic!  LOOK IT
UP!!)
 
Michael McKinley
and the seven sweeties..
(in memory of Amy..I miss you, you little white fur ball you..)
[Posted in FML issue 3191]