I want to thank everyone again for their support, their kind words and
encouragment through this difficult time.  It's been a source of comfort.
 
Nikita took a turn this weekend.  She started to get weaker on Sat. and by
Sunday night could barely walk, try as she might (we've all seen the loss
of hind limb strength).  I didn't know if it was the kidneys, the heart or
the insulinoma, and I'm not sure that it mattered anymore.  None of those
conditions are curable -- they only get worse with time.
 
An acquaintance of mine once told me that you can usually see it in their
eyes when they have had enough and are ready to go.  I don't know if I saw
it for certain, but she did look weary sometimes.  Sometimes she still
seems full of life, bright-eyed and affectionate; but then other times I
know she feels lousy.  She's 8 years old -- that's a decent lifetime for a
ferret.  I only wish I could have had more of that life to share with her.
When you think about it, it says a lot about their nature when you can
transplant a ferret from it's home of five years to a new home and she
bonds with her new companion.
 
I went to the vet this morning and he said that she wouldn't be getting
better, even with more aggressive treatment.  We agreed that it would be
better for her to not have to suffer any more.  We put Nikita to sleep
today.  I have to believe that this was for the best, and that she's
somewhere else now free of her discomfort.  I also have to believe that
if there's any fairness in this universal plan, that she and I will be
together again someday.  This is about that only thing keeping me going
right now.
 
This was hands down the worst day of my life -- I'm completely shattered.
At least I got to spend the last few weeks completely with Nikita.  I guess
that's the one great perk of academia.  I'm going to take a break from the
fml for a spell, so please don't bear me ill will if I disappear for a
while.
 
treasure every day,
 
John
[Posted in FML issue 3173]