I'm not supposed to go near the computer,
if Mom saw me I know she'd be pissed;
But I just can't resist the temptation,
I've just got to read that darn list.
 
She stepped out of the room for some business,
In no time I was on the keyboard;
If my friends could see me right now,
They would pray for my sake to their Lord.
 
I danced and I pranced on those buttons,
And I just about said what the hell;
The next thing I knew, the screen changed,
And I was looking through the FML.
 
Now I had watched Mom and Dad when they read this,
They would laugh, next be angry, then sad;
This group must really be special,
First they are funny, then naughty and bad.
 
I read about some ferrets that got loose,
I'm sure they were just having fun;
Next you know someone called search and rescue,
Those guys were home before the next sun.
 
Next up was some guy name of Randy,
I think he likes ferrets alot;
He's goin' down to some protest in Vegas,
Boy, I hope that he doesn't get shot.
 
Someone new had to ask lots of questions,
Wanted to know what's the best ferret pen,
She don't know that we don't even like them,
I hope she hears that from those people called Zen.
 
As I read there's alot of the good stuff,
But some is nothing but gossip and juice;
Then all of a sudden there's knowledge,
From some friendly old Vet named Dr. Bruce.
 
Up at a bridge is some chick they call Sandee,
I hope I don't meet her too soon;
At least I know when I get there,
They have raisins as big as a prune.
 
I hear Mom coming and I have to read faster,
I have not seen nearly enough;
Then "ouch" and I'm suddenly airborne,
My Mom just grabbed me real tight by my scruff!
 
I blink, then I yawn oh so cutely,
As I look at that face that's so stern;
Then she says "What's new on the computer,
Is my Gilly just trying to learn?"
 
She smiles then, and cuddles me softly,
And says "Gilly, you are so special to me";
I squirm and I wiggle, "Put me down Mom,
I have to go PooPoo and Pee".
 
She walks across the room so softly,
and holding me ever so kind;
sits me down in a box in the corner,
and says "See, I just read your mind".
 
Well, I would rather go any place I want to,
Instead of this stupid old box;
My Mom thinks I'm so sweet as I'm pooping,
I will find, and then eat, her new socks!!
 
I wipe my rear on the carpet so nicely,
As I wander away from my poop;
I'll go wake all my friends and then tell them,
"Hey, I finally read that FML group!"
 
Stan Boyes
[Posted in FML issue 3244]