You know how Lucy always reacted when Snoopy gave her a nice big kiss?
 
Well, Georgia "The Left Coast One" Wood visited us for two (too short)
days on her way to elsewhere and, of course, she wanted to get to know my
ferrets.  On the second evening, after successfully winning over the other
six (including Martin who bites everyone except me... and now Georgia), she
decided that Kermit should give her a kiss.  She can't say I didn't warn
her.
 
You see, Kermit has no delusions that he is a people or a people is a
ferret.  For months after we adopted him, he bustled around in his
So-Much-To-Do, So-Little-Time manner, ignoring all interruptions.  I can
still clearly see his face on the day the little light bulb went on over
his little head.  "Wow!" he thought.  "This person not only feeds me, it is
good to play with!"  He already sat up to beg for treats, so now he also
stands up with his paws on my leg to ask me if I want to play today.  He
is a clever guy, one who likes to open and shut doors simply to make them
work, and who climbs up the backs of the drawers to open the top one
looking for a way to the top of the dresser and the shelf beside it.  In
a similar way, he likes to make people work.  He stands on the blanket
and jerks his head at me when he wants a blankie ride.  He looks out of a
plastic bag when he wants me to carry him around to observe what is up out
of his reach.  He rolls seductively onto his back when he wants a back rub.
BUT if I rub him where it activates his licking reflex and he accidentally
almost licks my hand, I can see the horror in his reaction.  That's why I
told Georgia she would never get that kiss.
 
Undaunted by my warning, Georgia rubbed a raisin on her lips and raised
Kermit to them.  He barely leaned close enough to sniff them, but sniff
them he did.  So she tore off a tiny piece of a raisin and held it between
her lips.  Ooooooh, irresistible!  He carefully tried to extricate the
raisin without touching those lips, but...... he gagged.  Audibly gagged.
 
GAKK!!  People germs!  Perversion!  Contamination!  Cross-species cootie
transfer!!
 
When we were done slapping our knees and crying, Georgia put the remaining
large piece of raisin between her lips and Kermit gingerly took it without
allowing anything more than the tips of his whiskers near her face.
[Posted in FML issue 3004]