Each and every Friday I get to set in line and wait for a paid sadist to
puncture me, usually in vein, and ever so slowly drain me of blood.  There
is this one really cute red-haired lady who, even though I have to fight
not to squirm from the inflicted pain, I tend to adjust my schedule so she
is there to siphon my serum.  Hey, don't get nasty.  But I do like to have
her draw my blood because she is SOOOOoooOOO easy to get to blush.  I LIVE
for the chance to tease, and she is an easy target for a wacky guy like me.
EASY target.  Gives me a reason to push through the pain her technique
inflicts.
 
Well, I was doing some Fraggle stuff Friday morning.  She is doing
wonderfully, gaining weight and even did a half-assed war dance yesterday.
I noticed she had this little spot of poopie on the top of her butt, so I
so of propped her on my shoulder like an infant, and started gently washing
the dirty blemish.  I was tempted to shout "OUT, damn spot," but Fraggle
was more in the mood for Dr. Demento, so I just started in on a bar of
Alice's Restaurant, which I know she likes even though I have no idea why.
She also likes the pickle song and Don McLean's version of "On The Amazon."
I sing these songs to her frequently, and since she has never actually
verbalized a complaint, it is clear she appreciates my efforts.  I think
she's smiling.
 
In any case, I was cleaning her little white behind when I guess she
decided I was too sweet not to smooch.  So she did, in typical ferret
fashion, right on the side of my neck.  However, in her attempt to hickey,
she made a nickey, which, quite frankly, startled me and I sort of jerked
away.  Bad mistake.  The movement startled her as well, and nibbling
escalated to piercing.  So there I was, with a ferret stuck to the side of
my neck, trying to figure an easy way do a canine extraction from well
marbled striated muscle tissue.  Well, the mistake registered in Fraggle's
brain as well, for she immediately released my jugular, and looked somewhat
sheepish.  I made a mental note to buy Band-Aids later since I couldn't
seem to find anything smaller than a Buick inside the assortment of tim
boxes and crushed cardboard containers under my sink.  So, I just waited
for the bleeding to stop, which it did about the same time I ran out of
blood, and then left to see my two legged mosquito.
 
While I was waiting for her to wring out the last RBCs I owned, I noticed a
cute little kid staring at my New Mexico ferret t-shirt.  The one with the
ferret on it.  So I started telling her about ferrets and stuff when she
blurted out "Did one bite you on your neck?" Well, I wasn't about to admit
the four little holes in the side of my neck were from a ferret, so I
suggested I got them from a vampire.  She kind of giggled, and was old
enough to see I was probably teasing, so I asked if she had ever had a
vampire bite her, which made her giggle even more.  Then I made a nickel
disappear into thin air, and she found it behind her ear.  I was about to
start on my collection of knock-knock jokes when my red-haired lab tech
came in.
 
Now, I've been teasing my red haired cutie for several months and some time
ago gifted her with a wonderful set of plastic vampire teeth, suggesting
she should wear them when she came out to get her next victim.  She chose
this exact moment to come out to get me, and smiled wearing those plastic
chompers.  Well, that little girl saw those teeth and I swear I heard her
heart stop.  She looked at the teeth, then at the side of my neck, then
back to the teeth.  Then she looked at me, and asked loud enough for every
single person in the blood lab waiting room to hear, "Does it hurt when she
bites and sucks your blood?"
 
My lab tech's face was redder than her hair. Gawd, I love ferrets!!
 
Bob C and 16 Mo' Teasing Terrorists
[Posted in FML issue 3052]