On December 3, 1999, I made the decision to send my dragon man, Draco, to
the bridge.  I knew as soon as I woke up that morning that he was critical.
A necropsy showed that he had two large tumors in his intestines.  One had
perforated the intestinal wall (probably sometime during the night).  Draco
had been wasting for 2-3 months, and we had tried several medications to
stop the diarrhea.  We had no idea that his problem was due to tumors and
were attempting to treat him for an intestinal infection of some type.
 
This was the first time I've had to euthanize one of my fur kids and it
was an agonizing decision.  I simply did not want to lose him.  I couldn't
imagine life without him in it.
 
Yesterday, my husband picked up some pictures that we'd had developed.
There were about 6 pictures of Draco...taken the day before I put him to
sleep.  Looking at these pictures breaks my heart.  *Now* I can see what
bad shape he was in, and had been in for quite a while.  When you're
inexperienced with terminal illness, and you see your baby every day, the
decline in health, physical appearance and demeanor is gradual, and I guess
I could not, at the time, see just what I was making him suffer through.
 
There is a wonderful web site with an article entitled "Letting Go" by
Vanessa Gruden.  I would encourage anyone facing this decision to read it.
 
In looking at his pictures, I regret not letting Draco go sooner.  I
regret wanting to keep him here as long as I could.  I mostly regret not
being able to "see" how bad off he really was.  I regret that I didn't
help him cross "perhaps a bit too soon", rather than letting him suffer
unnecessarily.  I'm glad we took these pictures of Draco, painful as they
are.  They've taught me something that no one else's words of advice could.
 
Judy
[Posted in FML issue 2977]