I'm almost ready to post the remainder of my pet label crapola, but have
been going slow because I seem to fall asleep every time I look at the
computer screen.  Seriously; I am sleeping most of the day, then waking up
at weird hours only to fall asleep again.  In the meantime, be patient and
I'll get to them.....as soon.........as...possib..............<snore>
 
Q: "I was told ferrets only live three days when lost. It that true?"
 
A: This is why Moe kept whacking Larry and Curly.
 
I have no idea where this came from.  Just to be sure, I spent two hours
online in Agricola, Current Contents and Biological Abstracts.  I found
nothing.  Then I spent another hour going through Geek's List stuff.
Nothing.  I cannot find a single reference ANYWHERE which scientifically
shows a ferret will only survive three days when lost.  And you know what?
You don't need a reference to show this is yet another ferret myth.  I have
no idea where the three days came from, but it is obviously wrong.  First,
how does anyone know a lost ferret dies in 3 days?  Are they watching,
calendar in hand?  Then it wouldn't be LOST, would it?  It would be FOUND
and those bastards are STILL letting it starve to death.  Second, on what
physiological basis is the "3 day death" based on?  What if the biological
clock was slow?  Excuse me, but *I* am on Daylight Savings, so I get to
spring ahead to death.  Third, who collected these data and how was the
data tested?  What if it wasn't Data and was Lore?  If you twist data hard
enough, it will squeal.  Unfortunately, it squeals on you.
 
Ferrets die when lost for four main reasons: 1) predation, 2) dehydration,
3) starvation, and 4) accident.  Most ferret people suggest ferrets die
when lost because they starve to death.  It would take at LEAST a week for
a HEALTHY ferret to starve to death.  (See the word healthy?  Don't give me
any crap about sick ferrets needing to eat.  HEALTHY means they do NOT have
insulinoma, right?  Pay attention, and don't be like a 3rd grader asking
"but what if a Martian BLEW UP the moon?" I KNOW a sick ferret has less
body reserves.  Sheesh!).  It could take weeks if the ferret could find
clean water and didn't become ill.  Healthy ferrets do not starve to death
in 3 days and I don't care if they can poop an HOUR after they eat.  They
are predators who evolved missing a meal now and again.
 
The real killers are predation and dehydration.  Notice I didn't mention
"lack of water?" That is because not finding water isn't the only cause of
dehydration.  It is possible the ferret can find water, but it is so
polluted that it causes diarrhea.  Or it could be teaming with bacteria.
Or the ferret was so hungry it ate contaminated food.  Or it is so hot the
ferret loses body moisture faster than it can find water to replace it.  If
not heat stressed, a HEALTHY ferret can probably live 2 or 3 days without
water, especially if it is not eating or moving much.  You know, like a
chat room addict.
 
Predation is probably more of a reason for a ferret dying when lost than
either starvation or dehydration.  Pet ferrets show little fear of animals
that would just consider them a tasty snack.  They lack predator avoidance
skills, taught by their mother when kits.  Accidental death might be worse
than predation.  Do you know why so many skunks die under cars at night?
They are blinded by car lights and have no idea they are about to become 18
wheeler sushi.  Ferrets have similar night vision.  Also, pet ferrets
simply do not have the concept that something big can squash them.  And why
should they?  They run around their owners, some of which are so large that
the ferret's biggest worry should be avoiding becoming a furry suppository.
Daddy?  Is that you?  Why is it getting dark?  Is someone cooking broccoli?
Big butt, big truck...the ferret simply doesn't understand the difference.
 
The 3 day thing is a myth.  I don't know who started it, but it simply
cannot be factual.  It is not uncommon for ferrets to live a week or more
when lost.  However, while I think the 3 day thing is a crock of ferret
poo, I DO think their lifespan would be limited to a week or two, tops.
 
Bob C and 16 Mo' Troglodyte Delights
[Posted in FML issue 3040]