Q: "I'm going on a three hour trip and I don't have a carrier to transport
    my ferrets.  I'm going to put them in groups in a large [cardboard]
    box.  Is this o.k.?"
 
A: Groups?  Are people in group therapy called "groupers?"  Or just big
   mouthed basses?
 
This is a tough question because so much depends on the particular
circumstances, but off hand I would say that, personally, I simply would
not do it.  First, ferrets have very high metabolic rates and produce a lot
of heat.  Because a large part of this heat is lost during respiration, it
is not only heated, but has a high humidity.  Put a couple of ferrets in a
plastic carrier near a body of cool water (like a lake or ocean), and the
inside of the box will quickly become wet as the moisture from the ferrets'
breath condenses on the cooler surfaces.  There is an advantage to this
when you live in underground dens; it warms up the cave and keeps dust
down.  But in a cardboard box, the interior would be saturated with hot
moist air, and if you have ever survived a hot Missouri summer day, you
would know exactly how unpleasant that can be.
 
The main way ferrets cool down is by panting and licking themselves; they
have few sweat glands.  Both panting and licking require evaporation to
work, but in a tightly enclosed, well insulated space--like a cardboard
box--the air becomes so saturated with moisture from breathing that simple
evaporation will not work.  So you end up with hot ferrets having NO way to
cool themselves.  That is simply dangerous.
 
Ever notice how cold some movie theaters are during the matinee, yet during
the dinner show they can be almost unbearably hot?  The difference is not
the air conditioning, but the number of people in the theater.  Each person
is a small heater; a lot of people produce a surprising amount of heat.
Well, the same is with ferrets except they produce proportionally MORE
excess heat than people.  Since cardboard is a great insulator, it would
tend to hold the heat inside, so even if the interior of the car was cool
to the driver, the interior of the box could be dangerous to the ferrets.
This could be worse if the sun is shining on the box; you could be
seriously overheating your ferrets, while being cool and comfortable
yourself.  Of course, you could cut holes for ventilation....
 
IF you cut a hole in the cardboard box, a ferret will ultimately be able
to get out of it, EVEN if it is just a small air hole.  Every one of them
would be fixated on getting out that hole and would dig and bite at it the
entire trip.  If one can get out, they all would.  Ever try to drive with
a dozen ferrets underfoot?  Try to picture the Gremlin's movie, only in
your car.  And what would happen if, God forbid, you were involved in an
accident?  The second that car door or window opened, ferrets would be all
over the highway.  Ever notice the number of skunks on the road?  A ferret
would NOT do better.  Call eBay because you would have plenty of pelts to
sell.  This brings to mind another danger, which I call "putting all your
eggs in one basket." The advantage to multiple carriers is that, in the
case of an accident and the container is breached, not all your ferrets get
out at once to potentially become fert frisbees.  It also reduces the risk
of death because some ferrets will always be in a safer area than others
and might better survive the impact.
 
Finally (and this is by no means an all-inclusive list), there is one
problem concerning cardboard boxes what simply cannot be solved, and that
is where do you put the urinal?  Wet cardboard will not only allow fluids
to seep through, BUT they also substantially weaken the building material
(which is why I would not recommend using frozen water bottles to cool the
ferrets; the ferret's breath will condense and wet the cardboard).  Even
after a couple of hours, if you get a single wet corner, you vastly
increase the opportunity for ferrets to escape BESIDES turning your carpet
into a giant air freshener which strangely smells like the only working
urinal in a run-down truck stop catering to truckers with prostate
problems.  <shiver>
 
It is really tough to transport ferrets without proper carriers.  You could
call a ferret shelter and ask about borrowing or renting carriers.  Your
vet might have an extra carrier or two they would be willing to loan.  If
you are forced to use cardboard boxes, then at least limit the number of
ferrets per box to two or three to minimize overheating and potty problems,
and stop frequently to check on them.  Don't try transporting sick or older
ferrets in cardboard because they would just bounce around.  Oh, and have a
roll or two of duct tape.  Trust me; duct tape is good.
 
Anyone else on the FML have suggestions or advice?
 
Bob C and 16 Mo' Cardboard Warriors
[Posted in FML issue 3019]